Inception da Kamaal

Inception was life changing…..the best movie i have ever seen...…the entire a little over two hours experience has jolted my rotting brain back into action……which has made me blog after almost a year of hibernation……
Dreams……they have always amazed me…… I have imagined about things I don’t have (eg. fancy cars), cant have (an exclusive pub), and will never have (ME+Megan fox in a jacuzzi)…..but what about the other mortals……what if someone entered into the brainspace of a few people…..

1) Dhoni and Sakshi - He and his wife would plug the gizmo in together…….the team would have won the world cup and the two would have turned it into a bong……he would eventually make his way back to reality but his wife would opt to be in a coma and spend her life with the bong…….(yup….i know the secret….it’s a small world after all)

2) Abhishek Bachchan- He would become a father……he would see his son grow up……but somethings wrong…….eventually his son would foray into bollywood and as he progresses, he would notice that his son walks like him…..talks like him……dances like him……and is a bigger failure than him…….he would wake up and look into a mirror only to realize something…..

3) Emraan Hashmi: his dream would have multiple levels just like the dream in the movie…..on level one……he is riding a bicycle…..on level two……a tricycle……on level three……he cant handle it now…..even in his dream……he is riding a unicycle….(think hard to understand this)

4) Salman Khan: God dosnt allow him to dream anymore…..after he watched Wanted…..

5) Tushar Kapoor and Uday Chopra: They Don’t sleep anymore……they turn out to be even bigger losers in their dreams……though uday thinks if he imagines himself as Tushar Kapoor, the next time he dreams……it would be still better.

6) Aishwarya rai: she would dream of being the next Angelina Joilie…..in reality with zero family planning she can reach there in some time…….she surely has someone like Brad with her…..

7) Ekta Kapoor: she will imagine herself RE-making Inception…..bwahahhahahaaaaa!!!!!

8) Sourav Ganguly: on level one: he is in a Hotel room with his wife, on level two: he is with Nagma, on level three: he is with Queen Latifah (for ppl who don’t know who she is…..google her)

That’s it……do the rest yourselves now……
Cheers

creativity: whereth d hell do thou rest now???

Sorry for keeping ma folks waitin for a long time……I was busy with many things….some thoughts had clouded my imagination and today the gloom cleared…. so I can resume my life all over again…..ive repeatedly bragged shamelessly declaring that I am gifted with unfathomable intelligence…..now me not using it very often is a separate issue…..but u gotta use it man…..day in and day out I see people unload a lot of stale crap onto this planet….practically, tactically and philosophically…..which makes me wonder if creativity has been lost for good…..now I am no leo Tolstoy and I don’t want to preach my philosophy and expect people to follow me……although that wud be awesome….but still its something to think about….now y am I suddenly talking about this??.....am I high?….sometimes yes… but now….NO!!.....do I care about the progress of mankind…..i have had enough of dat (like to keep things simple)…..but I have had a lot of this over the last week….and now I have lost the ability of tolerating people who depend on the world all the time when they cud have themselves done something worthy of praise….the following points will make things more lucid……

• I hate people who copy and paste quotes by famous people and pass off as their own on orkut and facebook to prove their intelligence……

• I hate it when people say jokes copied from someone else just to glorify their infinitesimally minute sense of humor……

• I hate it when people ask their fellow competitors for their CVs and SoPs…..no hard feelings but u can do it on ur own u see…( I mean its ok if u change a baby’s diapers…..the tot cant do it by itself)….

• I hate bollywood music composers who copy tunes from western tracks and then get credited and lauded by my ignorant countrymen…..

• I hate hip-hop because all the songs talk about the same things….what happnd in the club….mad booty shakin….music pumpin….beats thumpin….ppl jumpin…u get it naaaa??

• I hate it when people say the same stories again and again to their friends…..

• I hate it when folks try to laugh forcibly even when they haven’t actually understood the joke.

• I hate it when I am squished everyday by people from the far west ( India’s west….not talking about cowboys and rednecks from california….) in local trains…..

• I hate it when the same people collectively try to burst my eardrums shouting in a language I don’t understand ….every morning……

• Eventhough I am deviating from my argument in my last two points….i don’t care….i am damn pissed!!

• I hate single women who opt for test-tube babies…..

• I am bored of India and Pakistan talking about terrorism…..my neighbors like to say the same shit everyday…..lets talk about eradication of shows like rakhi ka swayamvar from primetime television…..

• I also loathe bollywood movies with storylines “inspired” by something or someone, laughter challenge participants who say the same things in different channels, linkin park, himesh’s strange prepubescent voice…..etc etc…..

So I think ive said enough…..creativity is important and ur only ticket to fame…..dont let laziness and commonplace stuffs seep into ur lives….

Until next time…
Over and out….

P.S.- running after the same girl year after year is ok…..i hope I have restored faith in some of my friends (or in a particular friend)…..

life as a brown man.....

On one fine day, in 1988, I was born, to become a part of the second largest race in the world….i am really proud to be yet another insignificant speck in an enormous , seemingly infinite space…..i was pretty white when I was a new born and I used to flaunt it when I was amongst other less fortunate babies…I used to shamelessly mock them...but the harsh Indian climate and the scorching sun baked me and im now brown….but proud…nevertheless…..there seems to be a huge uproar amongst us homies about the recent racial attacks around the world (btw….i told this to a black….ahmmm….african- American guy….he made a whacked out hand gesture and replied “ya dawg!! Tell me about it!!”)….and the recent developments have kind of spurred me on to write this……

India is a land of diversity….ok….no more clichéd sentences….ill start again….india is wicked maan!!....the land which gave the world the number zero and the game chess….the land where the art of kissing and mating was first observed, studied and documented.(shame on the rest of the world….what did u do before we Indians taught u these things…mate with a petunia?)…..the land with a laid back life style with ascetics smoking chillums outside temples ( the whole of india smokes more cannabis than the all the beer-drinkin, break-dancin and hi-fiving homies of urs)…..the land of kings, queens, green fields and a whole lot of other fascinating things which other countries are devoid of…..long time ago, this land was so prosperous that other kingdoms in the world used to envy us….(except Americans of course…..at that time they enjoyed being an oblivion….now things hav changed tho)….so much that the west decided to send a dummass named Christopher Columbus to find India….but the jackass went in a completely wrong direction and reached America…now, after around 500 years, the whole picture has changed….say the word India and the non residents immediately think of hunger,poverty, ppl with nothing to drape themselves with, fakirs doing rope tricks, villages and bullock carts on mud roads…..so the moment they see a brown man, they immediately make certain assumptions….im gonna bust some myths here….

1) just coz we are brown dosnt mean we are going to blow u up…...theres a huge difference between a terrorist and an Indian…..if we blow up your country, where the hell will we work? And Indians love blondes and ur adult movie industry….

2) all Indians are not Punjabis…..and all Punjabis are not indians…..ask them…they might be Canadian!!

3) we don’t STEAL YOUR JOBS!!....dats not fair….its just that we are more competent.

4) we are NOT THRIFTY AND CHEAP!!....we have a habit of “saving”….never heard the word??....dats y global recession f**ked ur case....

5) we do NOT hate sports…..we gave the world chess and we are champions in carom (im a pro in it!!)…its just that we don’t like sports which are physically strenuous….

6) all Indians are not computer nerds…


7)…It has been accepted that we are unhygienic…..and rumours ( or are they..??) of ass washings after poopy-time dosnt help our case either (but its better than wipes…anytime)…..so even if we scrub ourselves so vigorously that we end up losing most of our skin, well be still be seen as germ infested computer nerds….

8) we beat up our kids bcoz they seem to hear better after a smack or two….stop sending ur kids to their rooms….

9) all of us don’t like bhangra rap

10) all of us don’t work at call centres….so stop hurling abuses evrytime ur fone rings…it might be some guy from ur country..or...it might be ur mom …

11) we prefer abusing in our mother tongue bcoz it has more punch and effect than the ones in ur language….its phonetics dude!!!....the middle finger gesture is popular amongst us though….

12) all of us are not poor…..stop glorifying our country’s poverty by making films on it…

13) all of us don’t stink…..oh yeah babe….i don’t!!

14) and lastly….all brown men aren’t Indians …. U need to be aware of this before u try to break a brown man’s head with a beer bottle….he might be Mexican….and if he is, ull have a lasso around ur neck and a bullet in ur ass if u piss him off….and if he is one of those crazy arabs….get the hell out of the blast radius before the timer goes off…..

Anyways ppl can still hate us and bolt when they see us…or just beat the living hell out of us....but the great Russell peters had once said “ U can run from us now……but sooner or later…..we are gonna hump u…” haha…..

PEACE OUT!!

ANALYSED!!

Well people say “love makes the world go around”…..i for one don’t care what makes the world go around as long as it does goes around and as long as I don’t get my ass whooped in the process…..

This post is dedicated exlusively to my school friends……ive known them since 4th standard and we know each other for a long time…they don’t read my blog at all and I thot if I embarrass them maybe they will be compelled to do so...they should also feel proud that I have kindly given them some amount of webspace in my blog…...its not a secret that im single and that seems to concern them a lot…..its one of the most common subject of jokes in the group….its something so common….u fail in sumthing and ppl who have won around u give u advice …..but then im sure when I get things right ill be lecturing other losers….its a cycle bro…..u may criticize it but knowingly or unknowingly u are a part of it….but the fact remains that im not as desperate as ppl think I am….girls wont elude me forever…im not gonna die anytime soon and so I have plenty of glorydays left for chicks....i don’t go and look for trouble….sumtime it will happen and ill gladly bear the burden on my back…

As the world continues to analyse me ( I don’t have any problems with it …..really…I think its a proof of my popularity)….i try to analyse the world…..so as my friends ponder over what type of a girl (ya isha….girl….not guy) ill end up with…..i present to u what according to me is the ideal match for each one of them…..

1. PARINITA- she has a fragile health and loves to faint here and there…..falls ill every week…..so a doctor will be ideal…wont have to waste money…the bedroom can be turned into a deluxe ward with a i.v drip beside the bed and a bedpan below it……but if ur a guy who has just bagged ur M.B.B.S degree and if ur a pathetic loner, don’t rejoice and jump…..u shud have crazy driving skills….a heroin addict wud be perfect….she has this strange fondness for guys who drive like all other cars on the road are non existent….of course if u continue to tread on the same path, ull sooner or later get fuckd but dats okay…..happens with everyone….she might be a logical choice for gold diggers…..if u r one, u might chance ur luck but stop being a pathetic wuss and act like uve got a pair!!!.....


2. ISHA- has to be a southindian anna…she has this thing for southindian guys…a few yrs elder to her wud be ideal...maybe a tambi (not to her of course) who owns a madras café outlet or an idli house at matunga- king’s cirle….or maybe a potbellied southindian filmstar with dark goggles, bushy moustache and mad fighting skills…..will have to know to dance properly…..however difficult it might be with the lungi in order to match her moves…..but while my fellow countrymen from the south prepare themselves and put the large “ three white lines and the red circle in between” wala teeka on their foreheads to meet her,she should change herself a bit….girl ur getting thin and u need to regain the flab to fit in….see sun tv, asianet or jaya tv for an hour and ull understand wat im talking about….then u can run around paddy fields with ur partner singing endlessly…..if u are a Bengali…stay away from her…..


3. HETA- she can go on talking for hours or maybe days…..even if her mouth runs dry she will continue…even if there is an earthquake or a tsunami and ppl are runnin for cover…she will still continue...so sum1 who is deaf wud be perfect…..if ur not….ull one day be frustrated and u will rupture ur own eardrums to discover tranquility again…trust me earplugs wont work....but then again there are many perks…..u can abuse her on her face for hours without getting smacked…...and can still tolerate u if u love ur marlboro puffs and the occasional booze fest

4. AYON – someone who will laugh at anything and everything…..some girl who will cook up stories about ppl and embarrass them….so that he can hunt in pairs and hi-five her on every joke....but most importantly someone who is cool with being laughed at…..saala logo ki bahut udata hai….if u have a self respect of steel, he will break it as if it was as brittle as glass….if ur hot….well its like a cherry on the cake….u see he has given up on hot girls( he…not me…I keep my options open!!) and he says he knows his level……and if ur a hot chick from the north east (or an asian), he will be glad to get his butt spanked by you (not that I wont enjoy it too….so spank me first)…..

5. VARUN- u shud know how to talk on the fone….of course he dosnt do it anymore but there was a time when most of his day used to be spent on talking to girls he knew or he dint know……as long as u have the abitilty of whispering sweet nothings over the phone, ull sail smoothly with this guy…..and if u look good, ull see him jumping around u like buggs bunny….

6. PRIYA-hmmm…...she will kill me if I say anything other than varun…

So that’s about it…as far as I am concerned , im waiting for the paragon beauty one astrologer told ill bag…...i have starved myself and have kept myself thirsty while writing this post to prove how determined I am while blogging…..still I cant explain the pathetically low response from the ppl out there…..still im sure few people wud have found this one a darn good read….

Until my brain starts working again,

ADIOS!!!

the future.....

Sorry for keepin u ppl waitin for so long…….had too much shit on my plate……ive finished my exams and im not too proud of myself…..but its ok……bungling is a part of my life and I manage to see the bright side of it always……ny ways the day our xams got over, me and a bunch of my friends did what is a certified and highly recommended procedure for a self-brainwash…….gulp down a lot of booze……then we did crazy things ( as expected) like peeing in a landscaped garden of a corporate park by the highway, peeing outside the entrance to a hutment, doin pushups in the middle of the street and singing songs that damaged sarang’s self esteem severely…..

Everyone in this crazy group in college ( including me) is destined for greatness…..destined to get famous, get a lot of booty and a lot of moolah…..but there are a few professions they must avoid at all costs…...coz if they do venture in em, im sure they’ll get their ass f**cked to redness……

So heres a list of professions they shud avoid…..

1.TUSHAR --- maths professor
WHY--- takin into account all the trauma this dreaded subject has given him,
I can safely presume that if he becomes one he will screw every single
student in
his class and mentally scar them permanently……just to imbibe some sadistic
pleasure …..in short hell turn into a lunatic…..just like the professor who
has fckd his case in coll now……
INSTEAD TRY….workin in a govt bank with short working hours so that u end
up havin ur normal amount of sleep

2.KAKA--- public spokesperson of a reputed firm or company / couples’ therapist or
marriage counselor……
WHY--- though he will surely end up havin a huge fanbase….. his spontaneous
remarks and the sheer talent of sayin the wrong things at the wrong time to anyone
at any place fearlessly might cost the firm dearly……I mean don’t be surprised if
when his firm is not doin well, u see him releasin a statement sayin “ the company
has been f**ckd hard man…..it now needs time to recover from the trauma”……and if u
have girl problems( not the ‘ur a grl and u have problems’ problems…tho still
applicable)…ull get urlself killd if u go to him for advice.
INSTEAD TRY…..inherit ur dad’s business……bcome the next mallya….

3.SARANG---- he can work at any place provided his office is not at churchgate….
WHY--- ive concluded……from mere observation….. that this guy cannot do well in
that locale…however hard he tries...he might still wanna work there but I strongly
suggest he shud consult an astrologer b4 doin so…..u know…..change his name a
bit….and then try again…..
INSTEAD TRY……working at ANDHERI………hahahahaha!!!!!!!!

4.ABHIRAM--- model in ads
WHY --- he is losin hair at a faster rate than the pace at which Britney, Pamela
and Lindsay change their lovers…….also he is gainin some extra pounds……he
can star in a hair loss treatment commercial though….anyways im a wellwisher
and I hope he succeeds in stopping or atleast slowin down his aging process….
INSTEAD TRY…...can fit into any other profession as long as he stays sober during
working hours

5.ABHAY--- this guy is a god……he probably will fit into any job given to him……so
will have to break the usual format for him …… tho I strongly feel he shud be a
liquor baron ……that will ensure fame, money and chicks and all this by dealin in a
thing he loves so dearly……

6.SAURUBH--- any job with workin hrs startin from 8.30 am….
WHY --- Is incapable of reaching before 11 am……apart from this keep ur distance
from this guy if ur a female colleague and ur younger to him…..he is the next
micheal Jackson….he is not made of plastic though…
INSTEAD TRY……workin at a place with non rigid workin hrs….

7.DHANANJAY--- heavy weight lifter
WHY--- he is incapacitated because he has a broken spine……incapable of even
lifting feather weights……also his muscles have revolted against him….they don’t
wanna grow anymore…..
INSTEAD TRY……anything less strenuous.

8.BATTOO --- a football player…..ya im serious!!!
WHY--- soccer is his life…..an xcellent player himself…..but he is so engulfed in
it that he is unable to see the other joys in life…has neither been drunk, nor
stoned….and no booty either….
INSTEAD TRY….playin with other stuffs…u know!!…find some WAGs…n if u do….spread
the wealth….make ur homies happy….

Hope u all have a rosy future ahead……after all this if one of u still gets fckd in the butt…..i cant help it.

Until next time

ADIOS!!!

TO MY NEIGHBOUR, WITH LOVE......

This is in fond appreciation for our neighbour………pakistan…..the world ponders on in bafflement about what goes on in the brains of every moron who is born in that country……..and here, in India, I have managed to find out a few things about them……

1)they hate Indians but they somehow seem to like one of our festivals…..diwali…..however ive seen them complainin about the fact that Indian crackers are not potent enuf to blow up even a human dummy…….

2.they are trained from a very young age……. They receive airguns from their fathers when they turn 6, four cd packs of Rambo movies when they are 9 and then, a game cds of counter strike (CT disabled) when they are 15.

3.then at 17, they are castrated so that their thoughts don’t wander off and they stay focused at all time

4.most of them have ruptured eardrums…….thats y gilani dosnt seem to understand anything that is told to him.

5.if u thot livin in an underground barrack in Pakistan was safe, let me tell u It isn’t…….remember the earthquake a few yrs back?........if u stay on the surface, ull be blown up, if u go underground, ull turn into a human fossil.

6.I think their national team has a good chance of winning the next world cup……..by threatnin every opponent that if they win against them, they will blow them up.

7.they seem to have no other way of releasing stress…….alcohol is banned there…..

8.they like to act even stupider when u call them stupid……now they are sayin that we orchestrated the attacks on the sri lankan team…….so I conclude that their brains are dysfunctional.

9.they swear at us and then the bask in the glory of the Indians abroad ……..they get away with it bcoz they are also brown….just like us…..plz ppl, they are fuckin douche bags.

10.the grls there are mind BLOWing and so ladies, if u feel that the violence there is a burden that ur delicate shoulders cant bear, let us know……..we Indians will be waitin on our countries shores with arms wide open……

SOUMYADEEP IN ALCOHOLLAND........

Hi…..by now, evry1 who knows a little about me knows that I like drinking…..the connection happnd in 2006 when I went with my friends to this place called seasons in kandivli…..it was a joint treat by three of em…….i had two pegs of vodka and then from there the journey began…..I had a crystallizing moment after those two pegs…….in the usual light headedness, I realized that I was destined for gr8 things in life….. i fell in love with it so much that I took admission in university institute of chemical technology……the best institute in the country for chemical tech.......
As days flew by, I realized that getting high is the best thing (sorry….one of the best things) that can happen to a being……even at a time when my life sucked……even at a time when I was crazy abt this girl I cud never have…..it always brought the best out of me…..u chug , u get woozy and then u pee…..a simple cycle and u end up flushing out a bulk of gloom out of ur brain…. It truly is one of the greatest discoveries by man…..

The start of the bond between soumyadeep and alcohol actually can be dated back to a long time before 2006……u see in 320 B.C….there was a great empire….alcohlolland ruled over by Alcoholexander the Great…the empire used to produce and export alcohol to various parts of the world…..and it always did…..later in the 14 hundreds, one Christopher Columbus thot that he cud do a lot of business if he could sell alcohol made in alcoholland to uncharted and untapped markets……so he decided to come to India and disaster struck when the fool lost his way and reached America on the day fondly remembered today as Columbus day…...the natives took away all his booze for free and ran away by tranquilizing his crew with darts dippd in some Caribbean shit …..he returnd empty handed and became pauper…..such a loser!!!

Anyways there was this king, nonalcoholanachus….. He was the leader of the kingdom of eezrael … the kingdom was so small that they didn’t have enough land to stay in…..even their descendants always had this problem with land…..also they were extremely thrifty and they realizd that if they cud make money from alcohol, they dint have to worry about their finances…..so nonalcoholanachus decided to attack alcoholland.

Also , there was this two headed monster king hitlerolinni, the leader of the nazies who hated the eezraelies……also they weren’t capable enough to take down alcoholland alone…….so both the heads decided that they would fight alongside nonalcoholachus and once they won, they would destroy him and his ppl

Alcoholexander the Great tried to make the arabs his ally but the negotiations faild……he said he would export alcohol to their land for free but they refused…..they said they dint drink alcohol in the first place and even if they did, they had no water to mix and make their drinks with(thumsup wasn’t available at that time)…..and furthermore, they had hookah and they cultivated weed and opium so they were self sufficient…instead they asked for girls whom they cud train and turn into bellydancers ….this demand was not met…..

Then the different rulers of the many divided states of India decided to compile an army....provisions and acts for caste reservations were made to avoid controversies….no discrimination on the basis of color was made and so the southindians were more than happy to join the army….the bengalies always used to have too much of sweets….they were too fat for battle…. were too lazy to fight and so they dint make good warriors…also the football season in calcutta had just started….. so the ruler of Bengal wanted to send just one guy ……soumyadeep ghosh…and he wanted him to be the leader of the army…… and the other rulers agreed…….

Soumyadeep was a man with a unique persona…..a thinker, a problem solver, a strategist…..he was a man of wisdom……he with Alcoholexander the Great planned to attack the nazies…..the Indians sneakd into naziland, set up Indian colonies there, prtended to be their buddies and then one day made the entire nazi army drink concentrated alcohol produced from concentration camps…….then they tied em up and put them into jail….and all this while, Indian girls kept the eezraelies distracted with bollywood item numbers…. king hitlerolinni was sent to exile…he died a virgin…the two heads never agreed on banging one grl….if one liked the grl,the other hated it....also,they took turns when they had to jerk off….anyways, naziland came under Alcoholexander the Great’s rule…..

However, Alcoholexander the Great, gave the captured land to the eezraelies and they were so happy that they started to dance like maniacs and they bought new clothes for themselves….they turnd the nazi concentration camps into dilution camps where they used alcohol from alcoholland to make a drink they called beer…….in due course, it became xtreemly popular around the globe and thus their financial condition improved……

Alcoholexander the Great and nonalcoholachus were so grateful to soumyadeep that they decided to sell alcohol and beer in his country at cheap rates……the Indians still bargained and brought down the price further…the Indians declared the next day a public holiday..…the northindians were especially happy with the booze deal…..the booze made the southindians speak so fast that new dialects soon emerged…bullock cart pileups began to increase....soumyadeep got a free supply of unlimited booze and a hot Caucasian babe and he lived happily ever after…

Soumyadeep ghosh was a genius…..i thank my parents to name me after him…….

Until next time,
Cheers!!!

THINGS I DONT CARE ABOUT....

Hello everyone, just finished my last periodic test today and I feel like an African freed from slavery……I feel like poopin on the crapper after days of controlin the urge…spending day after day cramming up stuff and breakin my head and of course the sleep deprived nights has made me completely woozy…….but I still exult in triumph…..not bcoz I have performd exceedingly well tho (if u run out of toilet paper, ask me….ill give u my corrected answersheets)…….very few ppl would think that I would actually say these things so I need to clear things out…..enlighten u with the truth…..there are some myths about me and im goin to bust those now

I really don’t care about many things that u might think I care about……..some better events in my life and the head traumas I went thru abt 2 yrs ago has changed me……so heres a list of things…..

1) I DON’T CARE if I come first in class every year……I don’t enjoy studying anymore…..most of my childhood ive been a geek…..studyin day after day…..regularly….the very thot of an exam comin near used to tighten my butt cheeks so hard that if u shoved some coal into it, u could end up getting diamonds……..but not anymore…….the only reason y im remotely interested in it is bcoz of the scholarship I recievd last year for toppin my dept……my dad dint tell me to stop foolin arnd and study for the last one year…..even once….. which currently is in jeopardy ( ive to cover a deficit of 43 marks this sem)

2) I DON’T CARE as to what form of alcohol I consume as long as it succeeds to blitz me out of my skull……..i don’t care if its vodka, rum, whisky, beer or even appletinis ( I love scrubs)…..i drink with only one single objective and purpose….to get high……

3) I DON’T CARE if u (especially for ppl in UICT bcoz im fondly calld BEWDA by evry1 there) think that im addicted to cigarettes and I am borderline alcoholic……..i know im not……

4) GIRLS PLEASE……I DON’T CARE about ur past experiences of trauma and ur exploits at least for the first time I meet u…….i don’t like girls who brag and endlessly talk about themselves……..if u don’t know how to be subtle …..i am not interested in u.....however if ur bombshell of a babe, I can live with it…..

5) I DON’T CARE if I remain single in the comin years coz im NOT as desperate as u think I am……this one was for my skool frnds……I would rather wait for sumthin good to happen than to do somethin stupid n gettin stuck again……don’t wanna do it anymore…….

6) I DON’T CARE about the friendship between my country and Pakistan…..if I had the power, I wud bomb them back to stoneage

7) I DON’T CARE if u r embarrassed watchin me goin to town on a sumptuous meal like a hog……im proud of my hogging skills……


I cant think of anything more right now and I will add more if I think of sumthing……but ive covered up the important points……hope this blog succeeds in givin u a whole new perspective about me……..SUMTHING I CARE ABOUT….I dont want u to keep tellin me stuffs i dont care about......HEHE!!

Until next time,

Cheers

Be a player!! Enjoy life…….

ISHA.....

Ok…ive already done this once on orkut (but this one is unedited) and im doing this again becoz she asked me too…god shes self obsessed…but I wont be fillin up the web with this again in future…it makes me look like an idiot who cudnt cum up with sumthing new…so here goes…

first the good things…ive known this girl for around 12 yrs…since 4th std...... we were classmates in school……shes a dear friend of mine……..definitely in my inner circle…….i like her company and shes one of the few ppl in the world I can tolerate…...

shes one of the few girls with brains….plz ppl im not a chauvinist! but u have to appreciate the fact that all girls are a bit deranged and crazy up there….but the extent of brain damage of this girl is a bit lesser than what u will usually come across……and also unlike other girls she doesn’t brag about herself at all…..plz girls if u like to go on and on about yourself and ur past exploits, i am not interested.....

has the brains to understand what to say when….never puts her foot in her own mouth…. once in a while, she will say something rational and practical…..she talks less but she talks sense wen she actually does…but still she hasn’t solvd my big problem in life…im still single and all the ideas she gives are totally worthless and so I flush them down the drain and then I do what I feel like doing and I still end up remaining single…..

anyhooo…. shiftin the focus away from me…she loves movies…..ya shell say she doesn’t……will even go for English movies dubbed in hindi with her parents(she goes for atleast 1 movie evry week)…..went to watch jumbo with her bf (WHATT??)……nuttt!!!...she loves to fool and goof around with friends…loves getting high….drinks a lot when she gets a chance….BEWDI!!!…..she likes to read books….but y?y? there are lots of better things to do in life…...watch a movie or got to sleep instead…or get involved in music (btw grls im a rockstar…ya I am. ..feel free to contact me)…..

shes xtreemly lazy…...sleeps till 12 on holidays…..even rhinos don’t sleep dat much......the only sport she playd properly was throwball(not much of exertion…dats y). ……wasnt the best of atheletes at any stage of her life.....practically impossible

loves good food…..u can figure this out when u first meet her…hehe….but no girl will ever admit it(likes dal.always orders dal in restaurants....loves KFC)…..shell vehemently deny it but u can easily see that she enjoys eating her meals…..dont ever say that shes fat (actually shes not)……..she wont like it at all(ull see it in her face)…shell go silent for a while…...i always say that b4 our gang goes to monginis to have sum pastries and she gets so conscious that she doesnt eat nythin…..ido it purposely and it gives me immense satisfaction…..so always say shes thin(which again shes not) to make her happy…...

she puts a lot of thought wen it comes to dressing herself up her haircut n stuff with good results…..all matchin matching…….arre but I don’t work so hard n I always look stunning…..always!!! with the minimal of efforts….o ya I do!!......

and ya don’t evr make her angry….if u think things have started to boil just run away……dont face her wrath….shell give u her own sweet dose of WHOOPA$$....but shes mostly calm and warm …

gets really weird at times….i mean she sumtimes gets a bit hard to predict…at times i feel she keeps things bottled up inside her....but shes a girl so I ignore them…u grls are too complicated …even for someone as brilliant and observing as me..…but shes mostly calm and warm …

and ya diabetics should avoid her at all costs…shes too sweet!

to sum up, shes a gem of a person and i really wish her all the success and happiness in life

.....see....I replaced the p.s. wala part (the line is meant for isha only)....

FUNNY PICS

1) WHEN THE CHINESE PRIME MINISTER WENT TO US......

2) WHEN BUSH WENT TO CHINA............3) WHEN FBI FOUND OUT WHO BIN LADEN REALLY WAS...........4) WHEN LALOO WENT TO GOA............

4) WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND........

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE.....

Okhay….just finished watchin slumdog millionaire….nice movie….nice to see an Indian movie that is a distinct piece of art….not a part of the typical clichéd ones….few scenes are extremely moving….just loved the scene where the kid jumps into the poop slurry and still manages to save bachhans foto….storyline was awesome….but ive seen better films that ppl havnt even heard about….i think this film has bagged a lot of publicity coz of many factors….it is a brit film, with a storyline based in india, with real acting (no song and dance sequences, no grl and boy suddenly singing at the same time, no stale dialogues) and in English….thus it has a global audience….but there are other films like memento and the illusionist which aren’t box office boom blasters, which I liked more ….liked dev patels acting (even the other two who played young jamal)….frieda pinto was mediocre…..dint have nything to do in the movie….y is she generating the hype?

Speakin of hype, last Sunday, on my way to coll, I saw a political signboard which had a truckload of shit on it……it said that Indians shud not support such films which get promoted so much just bcoz they were made by whiteskinss…..tis true that they rake in the moolah but India gets a global platform thru films like these…..politicians are swines, bastards of nth degree…..i hope all such guys die a miserable death after their dirtywork on this country’s soil is done…..i hope they rot in hell….( I sound like a taliban militant….hehe)

Anyways liked the movie….in the end, the guy gets the grl and so to sum things up, this is for the few mortals out there who actually read my blog…..

IN LIFE, NOTHING THAT’S WORTH HAVING , COMES EASILY!!!

I hope the message solves ur problems in life…..even if it doesn’t, I cudnt care less

PEACE OUT!!!

ANOTHER DUMBASS......

i like to read news that are completely off the hook......heres one that will scare the crap out of u if ur a guy......protect ur unmentionables at all costs .....but if u dont need them, do whatever u want to wid em....heres the report i saw on yahoo.....

Melbourne, Jan 5 (PTI) An Indian-born Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband's genitals (BRWAHAHAHA) suspecting his fidelity has appeared in a local court with fresh charges of murder slapped against her. Rajni Narayan, 44, who allegedly murdered her husband, in a bizarre manner by torching his genitals which set her Cleveland Avenue townhouse in Adelaides ablaze had later told her neighbourers "it's just a p@n*s I wanted to burn I didn't mean this to happen" Narayan who suspected her husband of having an affair told the neighbours, "I am a jealous wife, his p@n*s should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his p@n*s so it belongs to me and no one else.
" Narayan was remanded to police custody until Friday and had to undergo a Psychological assessment as prosecutor said that her engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey house when his wife set his genitals on fire after dousing them with methylated spirit on Dec 8 last, Adelaide Now reported. The blaze reduced to rubble the couple's USD 700,000 house and also damaged neighbouring houses.
Satish Narayan, 47, succumbed to his burns in hospital last week, the paper said. After being produced before the local magistrate here the public prosecutor said the charges against the widow had been upgraded to murder.
The prosecutor Lucy Boord, for the crown said, "She poses a substantial risk to others given her flagrant Offending."

SO HERES AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL U GUYS OUT THERE..... prevent ur d**k form gettin ashed out completely........ test ur gal for any signs of lunacy to avoid such mishaps......protect urself from so much of pain, agony and suffering......

until next time

bye bye.

A TRIBUTE TO KAKA

ill be randomly blogging about my friends so heres the first....about adwait deshpande aka KAKA....the person whom i aped by creating a blog of my own.

now this guy is of a rare breed.....u wont come across a guy like him everyday.......let me explain....

> Kaka will speak what he has on his mind regardless of the place or time at which u are having a conversation with him. if he gets an opportunity to embarres u, hell do it and dont expect mercy from him.......many ppl avoid him for this......but he doesnt mind. he loves to bask in the glory of his achievement after a fresh kill........if u get a new haircut that u think compliments u but actually it just makes u look more hideous, ull be massacred unceremoniously.

> kaka has a good sense of humour himself and so he despises all those who think they are funny and crack senseless jokes and the ppl who giggle with dem......he just looks in the opposite direction and says " fuckin retards". he always preaches that one musnt try sumthing not meant for them......leave em for the pros

> kaka hates trousers......he loves being in his shorts and he always carries one when we plan to meet at a frnds place........so he comes and quickly changes to his shorts.......not a pleasant sight if ur a guy......but if ur gay.....u know.....watever makes u happy!!....

> ppl think that this guy is a gauthi (hehe) and are shocked to know that this guy knows english....to be very honest he is pretty good at writing.....has talent and he is xtreemly witty.....he hates emotional bursts that u normally find in blogs......i present to u few examples.....

he hates classmates who created useless blogs aping him so for them he says " These fuckin blogs seem to pop up like mushrooms in wet weather.Well my advice to you is to treat them like mushrooms.FEED 'EM SHIT AND KEEP 'EM IN THE DARK."

"I do not think women are the weaker sex. In fact women can bear more pain than men, and certainly work harder that men if they want to. But i still do not understand why they lift disgustingly light weights in the gym"

to find out more about his talent go to http://www.nerd17-mystory.blogspot.com/

>kaka loves birds and bird watching......he has caught none tho.....so if any girl wants to toss over a quicky, get in touch with him soon......but at ur own peril.

>kaka loves getting high.....drank the beer ordered by sum1 else at a neighboring table at u turn...then quitely slippd by unnoticed......a proud Foosker.

> now heres a shocker.....this guy loves bodybuilding.....he had started pumping iron with optimism......he used to gulp down egg after egg.......used to give health tips to evry1.....but then there was a slight problem....his body dint respond exactly in the way he wanted it to......IT remaind wat it was.......then due to lack of funds for his venture (his parents stopped payin for his gym) , he had to stop gymming but he still has the dream.........NUTTTT!!!!.

> he also plays T.T. well and has decent carrom skills

>most importantly,hes a great friend, a good human being and i like ppl like him around who are multifaceted and fun to hang out with.

BITE AND RUN !!!---Man bites off friend's ear during new year celebrations

(a graphic photo of mike tyson)

im writing this on 2nd jan so the incident is already stale.....anyways at a time when alcohol blitzed everything out of my skull , at a time when i was dancin like a fool, a fellow countryman thought of a more colourfull way of celebrating the new year......please dont try to do this to your friends and if u still find it exciting , go ahead........but spare me.....

Kochi, Jan 2 - New year celebrations turned sour for a youth after his "inebriated" friend bit off his ear over a dispute during a game of badminton. After having gulped some beer during the New Year celebrations at Paravoor here yesterday, Krishna Kumar and Jinto, who are also neighbours, settled for a game of shuttle during which a quarrel broke out.
Jinto, in a fit of anger, bit the right ear of Kumar, police said (HA HA ....DRUNK BUFFOONS....). Though some friends immediately rushed Kumar, who was bleeding profusely, to a hospital with the snapped ear lobe, it could not be sutured back( hee hee).
Kumar has been admitted to a Specialist Hospital here. A case has been filed against Jinto, who is absconding after the incident, police said.

IDIOTIC LAWS IN AMERICA......

this is my first blog. i just found sumthing to write about and so here goes......the human brain is a marvelous thing capable of the dumbest of acts. i flush hours of my lfe down the toilet pondering over why do people go ahead with acts of dumbness...

im an indian and the indian judicial system might just be the largest place of employment for clowns. but this blog will prove sumthing ive been preaching for decades to my followers........americans are not what the world think they are (brainiacs)......they are plain dumb.....dumber than the dog which always chases my car barkin at it when i drive through anita nagar....i mean seriously .... i drive a sx4 and he doesnt stand a chance....I tried to drive over it many times but the bastard is pretty quick........so let us take a moment and marvel at the laws on the other side of the globe....

1. According to a law passed in Billings, Mont. ( for ignorant illiterates, Mont stands for Montana), it is illegal for anyone to sell, harbor or give away rats as pets or toys for any purpose other than to feed snakes or birds of prey ( WHATT??). Scientists, however, can keep lab rats.

2.In Michigan, it is legal to kill a dog for attacking chickens, livestock or people, but you can't snuff the pooch in a high altitude decompression chamber or by electrocution.

3. At shooting ranges in Massachusetts, it is illegal to shoot at targets depicting a human -- whether as a figure, effigy or a silhouette -- unless you're a public safety officer performing official duties.

4.As per a law in Kentucky, it is illegal to sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display, or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits that have been dyed or coloured.
It is also illegal to dye or colour baby chicks, ducklings, fowl or rabbits. And unless they are at least two months old, the aforementioned animals must be sold in batches of six.

so as i sum things up, i can safely conclude that americans waste their lives on things that lead to nowhere (iraq war)....

........they are what they are now (a superpower) bcoz they werent colonized and drained for a long period of time and the world wars never reached american soil.....