life as a brown man.....

On one fine day, in 1988, I was born, to become a part of the second largest race in the world….i am really proud to be yet another insignificant speck in an enormous , seemingly infinite space…..i was pretty white when I was a new born and I used to flaunt it when I was amongst other less fortunate babies…I used to shamelessly mock them...but the harsh Indian climate and the scorching sun baked me and im now brown….but proud…nevertheless…..there seems to be a huge uproar amongst us homies about the recent racial attacks around the world (btw….i told this to a black….ahmmm….african- American guy….he made a whacked out hand gesture and replied “ya dawg!! Tell me about it!!”)….and the recent developments have kind of spurred me on to write this……

India is a land of diversity….ok….no more clichéd sentences….ill start again….india is wicked maan!!....the land which gave the world the number zero and the game chess….the land where the art of kissing and mating was first observed, studied and documented.(shame on the rest of the world….what did u do before we Indians taught u these things…mate with a petunia?)…..the land with a laid back life style with ascetics smoking chillums outside temples ( the whole of india smokes more cannabis than the all the beer-drinkin, break-dancin and hi-fiving homies of urs)…..the land of kings, queens, green fields and a whole lot of other fascinating things which other countries are devoid of…..long time ago, this land was so prosperous that other kingdoms in the world used to envy us….(except Americans of course…..at that time they enjoyed being an oblivion….now things hav changed tho)….so much that the west decided to send a dummass named Christopher Columbus to find India….but the jackass went in a completely wrong direction and reached America…now, after around 500 years, the whole picture has changed….say the word India and the non residents immediately think of hunger,poverty, ppl with nothing to drape themselves with, fakirs doing rope tricks, villages and bullock carts on mud roads…..so the moment they see a brown man, they immediately make certain assumptions….im gonna bust some myths here….

1) just coz we are brown dosnt mean we are going to blow u up…...theres a huge difference between a terrorist and an Indian…..if we blow up your country, where the hell will we work? And Indians love blondes and ur adult movie industry….

2) all Indians are not Punjabis…..and all Punjabis are not indians…..ask them…they might be Canadian!!

3) we don’t STEAL YOUR JOBS!!....dats not fair….its just that we are more competent.

4) we are NOT THRIFTY AND CHEAP!!....we have a habit of “saving”….never heard the word??....dats y global recession f**ked ur case....

5) we do NOT hate sports…..we gave the world chess and we are champions in carom (im a pro in it!!)…its just that we don’t like sports which are physically strenuous….

6) all Indians are not computer nerds…


7)…It has been accepted that we are unhygienic…..and rumours ( or are they..??) of ass washings after poopy-time dosnt help our case either (but its better than wipes…anytime)…..so even if we scrub ourselves so vigorously that we end up losing most of our skin, well be still be seen as germ infested computer nerds….

8) we beat up our kids bcoz they seem to hear better after a smack or two….stop sending ur kids to their rooms….

9) all of us don’t like bhangra rap

10) all of us don’t work at call centres….so stop hurling abuses evrytime ur fone rings…it might be some guy from ur country..or...it might be ur mom …

11) we prefer abusing in our mother tongue bcoz it has more punch and effect than the ones in ur language….its phonetics dude!!!....the middle finger gesture is popular amongst us though….

12) all of us are not poor…..stop glorifying our country’s poverty by making films on it…

13) all of us don’t stink…..oh yeah babe….i don’t!!

14) and lastly….all brown men aren’t Indians …. U need to be aware of this before u try to break a brown man’s head with a beer bottle….he might be Mexican….and if he is, ull have a lasso around ur neck and a bullet in ur ass if u piss him off….and if he is one of those crazy arabs….get the hell out of the blast radius before the timer goes off…..

Anyways ppl can still hate us and bolt when they see us…or just beat the living hell out of us....but the great Russell peters had once said “ U can run from us now……but sooner or later…..we are gonna hump u…” haha…..

PEACE OUT!!